I don't really understand myself. That is an understatement. So, Lord, search me! Let me lean not unto my own understanding, let me acknowledge You in all my ways, so You can direct my path. That's the only path I want to be on. Even if it hurts, even if it seems unfair, or lonely even. I thank You for Your unfailing mercy and love for me. It's pretty freakin fantastic...in every way.

Love, where art thou?

You know that black eyed peas song with that JT boy... Where is the love? Yeah, that one. I've thinkin about that a lot lately. Love is such an intangible and vague entity at times, when in other moments it fills every corner of the room and is contained in something as simple as a laugh. I am so hopeless...look at how I talk of love, like I think I know a thing or two about it. I'll go on. Love for you mother, your brother, your dearest friend, or the one whose life (sometimes) you wish you could end. I'm so clever. We get caught up in ourselves, tangling what we desire and what we expect with our realities. The mess we are left with is in and of ourselves, and no one else can get you the Lorelle de-tangling shampoo to get yourself straight again. You have to separate your expectations of people from reality, because if you don't...you will always be left combing through irritating knots with yourself. People will constantly fail you, it's the one thing you can count on a person to do, so don't be so hurt when reality is real. Not to be harsh, but you should expect it from humanity, so distant from 1st Corinthians description of what walking in love should be like. Don't get offended, pray. Pray for love to become your own reality and others really won't be of any consequence to you. It's a hard question to answer when you're searching the heart of man..."Where is the love?" But God is love, and to ask where God is... well isn't He supposed to be reflected in each of us who call Him our God? Here's the challenge: mediate on the God kind of love, and then think about your tangled knots, and see how combing that love through them would work. Let me know how it turns out.