Friday, August 14, 2009
Is there a ghost in my house? The past few nights while I sleep I am in a constant frenzy in my dreams. I cannot escape the ghosts of my past. I have been praying that God would take it away. I can't keep my mind off of it in my waking hours either. I keep reminding myself to keep my mind on heaven, and things that are uplifting...not to say my thoughts have been dark, just distracted. Like this thing is trying to take a serious place of importance in my life. I keep renouncing it...it's been a month. I tell God I hold nothing ahead of Him, but this thing feels like it is trying to become an idol. I hate it. In and of itself it is not a "bad" thing. What makes it bad is the amount of time it consumes in my heart and mind! It is crazy. I feel haunted. I know the cycles I have been stuck in in my life. I am victorious everyday, not just seasons of victory anymore. I can't stand that inconsistency. I am striving to be more like Jesus... Did Jesus struggle with thought life? What were his thoughts like? I pray that I have His eyes, His heart, His hands and feet...His mind?