4 a.m. Blues

I wish I could unfold Your hand. I wish I could see Your plans. I wish my heart would stop anticipating. I wish I could just relax into it all, just fall in love with the journey and patiently watch things fall into place. No one's gonna love you like I do. If I've sought You once, I've sought You a million times. I know You've got my back, but what I really need is for You to have my heart. Gaurd it like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied game rivalry. I have no objections, no pre-requistes... I think that's because I just trust You. I'm being honest, thats my favorite characteristic of a person if they have it. Honesty. Stop being fake. That just takes too much effort, and honestly I don't feel like playing the games and trying to decipher what you mean. You would do much better by saying what you what you mean instead of phrasing something in such a way to get a certain response out of the other person. I try to look like You. Walk like You do and talk like You do...I pray I'm doin something for Your kingdom. If I'm not then take me from this place. There is no purpose. I can see how that works. I guess I just want someone to share it with, Lord. I pray for the kind of friends that are loyal and true and make life meaningful. Who want to talk about You, not themselves. I get easily bored with people who talk about pointless crap that has everything to do with them. I mean, I can definitely listen if you need help, or have a problem...but is talking about how much you spent, your expensive sstyle and your work outs gonna change anything? Is it even gonna grow our friendship? Should this friendship be growing? Or is it something I need to prune out of my life? Nah, we've been side by side for too long. But why am I still by your side? Sometimes I just don't get us. We are very strange. And I feel like it's a liitle unfair to me, but then again I made this decsion, didn't I? Oh the crap well, I put myself here, and I cannot very well turn from it. It is mine to live with. Oh how Julia Roberts of me. Except we're not there yet, and we'll never make a promise to marry when we turn 28. Okay, then...Off to bed. Goodnight, 4 a.m. blues.. . Until next time thought of us keep keeping me awake.