Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I find that I am satisfied. I am content. He really is my all in all. I love Jesus more and more everyday, and I am truly astounded by His love, mercy, grace, strength, and power...ect, ect His attributes that make Him my reason for life, and the actual cause of my life goes on and on. However, I don't know what's going on with my heart as of this moment. I think its just the chill of the air outside, and seeing such lovely people that I know living the picture that envision for myself someday. I realize that I am young, and that this will all take place in His perfect timing, yet I cannot help myself from questioning. everything. basically myself. It's that voice of insecurity and inadequacy. Why do I seem like I'm not enough? Oh, but I am...not in a prideful way, but God has given me so much...I am overwhelmingly blessed, and there is more on its way. My mind is really a treacherous place. So complex. So divided. I have this heart that longs for this adventure, and I don't know if there is someone else in the world that feels the exact same way as I do. I knew a girl, and I knew a boy- I know them as an example of the truest love story I've ever heard. I count myslef honored to have witnessed it in its small beginnings....I know a woman, and I know a man, and that's the love I want. Its very fascinating, but fascinating in the way that it is exactly what true love should be....but it doesn't happen often. Will I be enough? No. Only God can fill us. That's true. Neither you or me will ever be enough for the other. His presence is what gets you that deepest satisfaction. Ah, the mind knows what the heart does not. This is my head speaking, but my heart hasn't received it completely. I will never be enough. But praise God. I suppose that should take some pressure off. After all of that what I'm really thinking of is one thing. Unfortunately. It's one person. Unfortunately. God, Help. My heart don't know nothin. This is my heart: Your heart, Your eyes, Your voice, Your will. I will stand on the rock that is my salvation, You have a plan and Your hand is mighty to bring it forth. I will sing praises to Your name, Oh Lord. I delight in You, Jehova. Change my desires. Meet me on the battlefield. Uphold me, your daughter... I have full faith in You. This is all for You.